Right I’m going to say it, Ladyloafer hates Christmas.
*But wait Ladyloafer, if you hate Christmas why are you even thinking about it in October?*
Hmm, indeed. Well ‘Christmas’ is well and truly all over the shops already. And also I work in one, a shop. And it’s everywhere.
Hence the hate. Its not Christmas as such, more the relentless 4 month build up to what? Nothing much. Great if you’re a child and the excitement of presents. Not so much if you’re a grown adult who’s spent weeks and weeks surrounded by tubs of sweets, red sparkly jumpers, a thousand ‘onesies’ with penguins on and piles of useless tat made of excess packaging. This is another thing I hate about Christmas, the mountain of waste, from excess packaging to wrapping paper, to far too much food.
And I don’t even like all the Christmas food much. Christmas dinner is ok *she says rather half-heartedly* but I don’t like mince pies or Christmas cake or Christmas pudding.
Then if you also throw in the fact I get maybe 2 days off work, if I’m lucky, and secret Santa gifts, and writing cards for people you haven’t seen in years and never stay in touch with, or at the opposite end, writing cards for people you see every day. Invites to Christmas get togethers I can’t attend because I have to work over Christmas and New Year…
Well, my bug is well and truly hummed. And bah-ed. *Bah humbug*
In ancient times people celebrated midwinter. There were bonfires and decorating with evergreen plants. No doubt there was feasting and-a drinking. Those same ancient peoples had several celebrations a year. What is now called Halloween was Samhain, and was the end of the year with more bonfires and feasting. In February there was Imbolc, celebrating the first twitchings of spring and the ever lengthening days. And at the spring equinox a celebration of new life, long days and light.
So Ladyloafer proposes we should just do away with Christmas and New Year.
In honour of our ancient ancestors and to make the whole season less tedious we’ll have
‘Winter Welcome Festival’ around bonfire night and ‘Winter Thank God It’s Over’ around March 1st.
We can have bonfires, and fireworks at the beginning, and apples bobbing and toffee apples, and put up fairy lights in town centres and everyone exchanges small gifts to prepare for winter; new gloves and thermal vests and lip balm and hand cream.
Then the lights stay up and everyone settles in for winter, but Christmas and New Year is banned. That way people can afford their heating and food because they haven’t had to pay out hundreds of pounds on shit. Maybe around midwinter there can be more bonfires and a bit of outside foliage decoration. When the calendar changes to another year everyone celebrates by feeding the birds and eating satsumas. A month later, some more bonfires and some winter ice cream. Then on March first, take down the fairy lights, and exchange small ‘welcome spring’ gifts like leg razors and daffodils.
That is what Ladyloafer would like this year. Less hype, more bonfires.